Big Brother 12 Week 0 :: Thirteen Angry Men (and Women)

Well everyone, its summer again, and you know what that means: the cast has been announced, the house has been fastidiously camera-ridden, and I, Steven Daigle, am back here covering another fantastic season. That's right, it's time for Big Brother Season 12. Even though the official start to our voyeuristic happiness doesn't kick off until this Thursday July 8th (can you wait for it? I can't!), I wanted to get in early this time and start offering my thoughts on the cast, the house, and the upcoming madness.

First, the cast. I noticed immediately while tooling around www.cbs.com that the contestant list contained not only two A, B, K, M, and R names, but also that the rollover effect of the CBS header made it incredibly hard to actually click on anything I wanted. Patience, Steven, patience, I thought, and rapidly started to scroll through the thirteen names searching for interesting tidbits. Here's what I found:

The Characters

Andrew Gordon

Andrew, full name Andrew Gordon, a 39 year old podiatrist from Miami, FL, claims to be stubborn, spontaneous, and sneaky. Alliteration aside, Andrew is a practicing Orthodox Jew who has vowed to observe Shabbat during his time in the house. For those of you that don't know, this means he'll be wholly unable to utilize electricity (among other things) Friday night to Saturday night. Thankfully though, his fear of Rabbis (among other things, like beauty) should be alleviated during his stay in the house. Interestingly, Andrew sincerely hopes that no one with an idiot IQ will be a housemate. So, CBS producers, look out! If you've cast anyone with an IQ of 20 or less, you've already bummed out Andrew. But by the way, if you're casting people at that IQ level I know a few friends who'd make the grade.

Annie Whittington

Next up is Annie Whittington, a 27 year old bartender from Tampa, FL. Annie describes herself as an overly dramatic adrenaline junkie (two things that really don't go well together, unless you're safe behind the television screen) whose strategy for winning is to "be herself." Annie's life motto is, "When life gives you lemons...say fuck the lemons and bail." What's interesting is that Paul Rudd had the exact same motto in Forgetting Sarah Marshal. Annie, I hope you come across in the show as a better person than in your bio, because I already don't like you.

Brendon Villegas

With a strong jaw-line, decent tan, and the physique of an athlete, 30-year-old Brendon Villegas is alphabetically third. A high school swim coach from Riverside, CA, he describes himself as fun, driven, and intelligible. Wait. Intelligible? I succumbed to momentary doubt and had to verify with www.m-w.com, but yes, intelligible does mean that Brendon can be understood. Thanks goodness, I was terribly worried I wouldn't be able to understand him. Not that it matters; he seems more like eye-candy than ear-candy. Being intelligible is just a bonus for us.

Britney Haynes

Britney Haynes, a 22-year-old Hotel Sales Manager of Huntington, AR, broke the monotony of coastal contestants. Reading through her biography was actually pleasant, and I stifled a laugh at her desiring not to be in the house with "old people." Sorry, all you geriatric Big Brother wannabes. She even referenced herself as "so much more than meets the eye! I look like a typical blonde from the south, but I've got a lot of spice to my personality. I'm a good mix of Chelsea Handler and Martha Stewart." I mean, Transformers and a Chelsea Handler reference? What's not to like?

Enzo Palumbo

Ahh. Enzo Palumbo, the 32-year-old Insurance Adjuster from Bayonne, NJ. The Jersey Shore character I knew we'd be seeing. Don't believe me? In his own words, "I'm Italian and I already think I'm a celebrity." Let's just hope he is the "situation" we've all come to love. And by that I mean the abs, not the character. In an interview he did with Zap2It before heading to the house he also stated that his perfect strategy would include "a strong female" with breast weapons (I'm paraphrasing), and, *sigh*, "a good gay guy. He could play both sides of the field for me. A gay guy's like a woman in a guy's body, they have the emotions of a woman but can have the attitude of a guy." Thanks, Enzo. Let's see how that one works out for you.

Hayden Moss

Hayden Moss, 24-year-old college student from Tempe, AZ, makes no reference to what he's studying in his biography. But if I had to guess, I'd go with athleticism. Oh wait, yes he did, he's on the baseball team. I knew it, a quick Google search on him shows that he's an "Exercise and Wellness Major." Even if his batting record puts him way, way in the minors, he's still got a major. And in case you can't tell, Hayden's bio has left me with very little commentary. Very, very little. He is afraid to fly though. Maybe we'll find out more about him when he takes his shirt off (it's bound to happen).

Kathy Hillis

Then there's Kathy Hillis, the 40-year-old Deputy Sherriff-Sergeant, from Texarkana, AR. Both a survivor of ovarian cancer and a fun-loving lover of mudding, Kathy enjoys a good street race in her patrol car. I always thought those were known as high-speed pursuits, but I'm not a law enforcement officer, so I'm sure I must be wrong. Kathy is also a television and telephone addict. As someone who is clearly a technophile, I feel entirely confident in saying, "Welcome to the hardest months of your life, Kathy."

Kristin Bitting

24-year-old Boutique Manager Kristin Bitting (is that pronounced bite-ing?) hails from Philadelphia, PA and opines that the most difficult part of being in the house for her will be "being understood." Apparently, Kristin is often misunderstood by strangers. At least she's honest though, admitting that she enjoyed Braden from season 11 because he was nice to look at. I'm with you on that one, Kristin. She also describes herself as a "quiet storm". So far, I'm interested. Let's hope her "quiet storm" turns into a full-blown tempest at some point. Maybe then we'll understand her better.

Lane Elenburg

Lane Elenburg, another 24 year old, is an Oil Rig Salesman from Decatur, TX. Lane is afraid of electric fences, and perhaps it's getting late here, but I just can't think of anything clever to say about that one. A former Texas Tech student, Lane believes his current occupation in Public Relations should enable him to spin truths and convince everyone in the house that yes, he is the one true successor to the victory field. Just one problem Lane, sales and PR aren't the same. At all.

Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman, the 32-year-old Web Designer from Elgin, IL, likes to annoy people for his own amusement. Hopefully he enjoys doing it for the amusement of an audience as well. He wants to leave his real life at the door, play 100% game, and is afraid of failure. Matt, just like everyone else, has a 7.69% chance of success. By my math he's only got to fear 92.31% of the game then. Go get 'em, Matt.

Monet Stunson

Monet Stunson, another 24 year old, is a model from Glen Carbon, IL. She is also apparently "the coolest person you will ever meet," which makes me slightly sad that I've never met her. Because who wouldn't want to meet the coolest person you'd ever meet? Clearly hating on "ditsy girls" and Brendon types, Monet has an amazing drivers license photo. Or so she's been told. Additionally, she has zero strategy, which is a strategy I like. Or at least a strategy I like to watch.

Rachel Riley

A bartender, and now a VIP cocktail waitress, Rachel Riley, 26 and from Las Vegas, NV, is bubbly, effervescent, and adventurous. Which makes her not unlike drinking a combination of champagne and the blackberry moonshine my friend used to make. A little bit can be fun but too much and...Well, I'll save that for another column. Rachel hopes to not be in the house with negative people. I wonder how long until Rachel fails to see the same beauty in life she hopes everyone else sees. Well, we'll see.

Ragan Fox

Lastly, Ragan Fox, 34-year-old college professor from West Hollywood, CA. Ragan, a published poet of such titles as "Exile in Gayville" will at least give Enzo a candidate for his "gay hand man." I find it amusing that Ragan hopes not to live with college age students. If you consider 24 within the bracket, I count 5. Ouch. Look out though, he wants to settle disputes with fart jokes. I can only imagine what his lectures are like.

The House

Dive in the pool?

So, on to the house. From watching a quick Entertainment Tonight clip about the redesigned abode, the theme appears to be a combination art-deco/swimming pool, as if the contestants are living underwater and must constantly struggle to surface for air, only to be dragged back under again. That, and the producers want everyone to strut around in their swimwear at all opportune moments (yay). Most of the common areas of the house seem to be colored the way my middle school cafeterias were: thick blue and yellow paint thrown liberally on all surfaces. The bathroom resembles, well, a bathroom. Or a very large bathroom capable of handling 13 people. Or 12 if you want to be technical, since the Head of Household as always gets their own bedroom and bathroom. Ahh, the comforts of success. What's that? They're also given a nice spy television to watch downstairs movement, and conversation. All in all the house looks like a higher priced trendy club I would never, ever want to be caught inside of. Not that I don't love trendy clubs, but this one looks like it was vomited out by other, more trendy clubs.