Columnists :: Ask Phyllis
Mother’s gay son and his partner come home for Thanksgiving by Phyllis Steinberg
EDGE ContributorWednesday Nov 11, 2009 Dear Phyllis,
Andrew, my gay son and Leo, his significant other, will be coming home for Thanksgiving. They have been together for the last five years. We like Leo. He is a decent guy. Andrew and Leo seem to be happy together. We all get along just fine. When I introduce Leo to family and friends I always say, "This is Leo." This upsets my son. He says that when I introduce my daughter’s husband I always say, "This is my son in law, William." Andrew would like me to introduce Leo by saying "This is my son’s partner, Leo." I just can’t bring myself to refer to Leo as my son’s partner or boyfriend.
Marcia
Dear Marcia,
You may be more comfortable introducing Leo by name only. You may even think others cannot figure out that Leo is Andrew’s life partner. However people will understand that Leo is more than just a family friend. It is important to Andrew, Leo and to your family that your son’s life partner is accepted and treated like you treat your daughter’s life partner. Anything less is hurtful to your son. Andrew needs reassurance from you that his life with Leo is important to you. It is best to treat Leo like a member of the family just as you do with William, giving him a proper introduction that does not diminish his status with your son.
It is so difficult in today’s world to find a person with whom one can be happy. Your son is fortunate to have found a partner with whom to share his life, someone who makes him happy. Your family is fortunate that Leo fits right into your family and that you all get along. Thanksgiving is a good time to be thankful for these special things.
Best to you and your family,
Phyllis
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