Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Though it hasn't happened many times, occasionally we will run into someone who either asks a very inappropriate question or makes an equally ignorant statement. I was thinking back and recalled a time that we had two of these instances occur simultaneously. Now, my all-time favorite story has to do with a run-in with a born-again Christian zealot - but that's a column all to itself. Stay tuned for that story!

Elly was about four months old when we encountered two salesmen, Dumb and Dumber. Dumb I presumed to be gay, based on his short haircut, perfectly tailored suit and his Gucci belt and loafers. Dumber was in his late fifties, a little on the haggard side and would not be described as having a very effusive personality.

As Elly quietly dozed in her stroller and after we had gotten through the initial pleasantries, Dumb asked, "So, whose is she?" Our initial assumption was that he had not quite done the math so I responded, "ours." He then very proudly clarified, "No, I know that! But whose is she?" Greg then emphatically responded, "ours." The tone of Greg's response coupled with the look on our faces made him drop it. He had obviously assumed that Elly was ours through surrogacy. While she became part of our family through adoption, our response would not have been any different if she were biologically related to one of us.

Not to be outdone by his colleague's lack of tact, the second impropriety came only moments later from Dumber. He asked, "So which one of you is the mother?" At this point, we were just speechless. A good catty response would have been to ask if he needed us to tell him about the birds and the bees. Instead, we sat silently, which accomplished the following:

A. It did not validate his ignorance with a response; and

B. It avoided creating the kind of pregnant pause in a conversation that is awkward and uncomfortable for whomever last spoke.

Shortly thereafter, Dumber embarked on a rambling soliloquy about how he had always been more maternal than his wife, had always been the more caring one, that gender does not matter, etc. Whatever. You stepped in it. Clean it up, biatch. Needless to say, they didn't make the sale.

I will admit that two gay men parenting is still somewhat of a novelty. It's perfectly okay and normal for people to have questions about adoption, child care options and challenges. We did not know a lot about it before we embarked on our journey - so it's not fair to assume the rest of the world does either. Having said that, a little sensitivity goes a long way. Just as it would have been out of line for me to ask Dumb if he was a top or bottom or Dumber if his polyester suit chafed his thighs, their questions were equally uncouth.

We could not love Elly any more if she were biologically related to one of us. Love, not DNA, makes a family.