Malicious Content :: March 30
It's that time of year again: Madonna is going to Africa to adopt another child. When asked why, she noted, "After I ask these kids, 'Who wants to be adopted?,' they say what I say to my mirror: 'Me! Me! Please love me! It's all about me!! Please love me!' Also, being they live in the jungles of Africa, they have experience in hearing what I am: a growling cougar."
After Natasha Richardson was laid to rest, her husband, Liam Neeson made the following announcement:
"I have great news and not so great news. The great news is that I have planted a California Redwood, to signify my wife's strength and grace, on the mountain where she met her untimely death. The not so great news is that I bought this California Redwood from the 'Sonny Bono Tree Nursery in Palm Springs, CA.'"
The family history of poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath took another tragic turn when it was revealed that their son had committed suicide by hanging. Nicholas Hughes, whose mother asphyxiated herself in 1963 by putting her head in a gas oven, also followed in his mother's footsteps by composing a poem before he died:
"There once was a guy who was Sylvia's son,
Who said, "Living is just no fun,
But I can't smell oven gas again,
Or end it all like Kurt Cobain,
I know! Hanging's less messy than a gun."
Authorities say John Katehis, 16, is under arrest in connection with the murder of veteran WABC radio news reporter George Weber. Katehis had answered Mr. Weber's Craigslist ad seeking a date with "a guy into rough sex." Katehis was also charged with two counts of burglary and one count of bribery. A police spokesman noted, "The first count of forced entry was Mr. Katehis entering Mr. Weber's front door. The second count of forced entry was Mr. Katehis entering Mr. Weber's back door." The bribery charge arose when Mr. Katehis offered the lead detective case $500 after the detective asked him under a bare light bulb: "So, kid. How ya want this go? Easy or should I get rough with ya-again-for a better price than before?"
Jason Savage of Saginaw, MI was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum and sentenced to 90 days in jail. The lawyer for the vacuum cleaner is suing the man; noting that "because of Mr. Savage's undue attention, my client is constantly aroused and has been turned into an upright vacuum cleaner--with an hourly need to unload his bag. Because of this sex addiction, my client is always on the lookout to clean every 'Dirty Sanchez' he can find."
In this week's "Newsweek" magazine, Shariq Mahbub of Karachi, Pakistan recounts how terrifying it was for him to come out of the closet to his Muslim parents. He also confessed that he was recruited and practiced to be one of the infamous 911 hijackers but was kicked out of the deadly plan because: "My job was to subdue the passengers and take the stewardesses hostages. However, I wanted to subdue the male stewardesses and ask them to take me as their hostage--for a minute."
