Meredith Baxter Birney, star of "Bridget Loves Bernie" has come out as a lesbian-to coincide with her gay TV show coming out on the LOGO channel called, "Bridget Loves Bernice." When asked why she came out now, Meredith commented, "Honey, an old actress only comes out when her job market gets as dry as her vagina."
Susan Boyle secretly sang for President Obama at the White House-only to leave in tears. She noted, "The President invited some fellow leaders of other countries over-and one of them walked out on me! Before he left, South Korean President Lee Myung-bak said to Obama, 'I misunderstood your Eng-rish. I thought you say you will serve me dog. Instead, I get singing dog."
In MTV's controversial show, "Jersey Shore," one of the contestants, DJ Pauly D, sadly said, "Yo, in my Italian hood, things suck 'cause of da economy." I mean, every Christmas, me and my pops would decorate our home with 45,000 multi-colored Christmas lights-that scream 'Cause of dese lights, I'm a typical, white trash Guido.' This year, we're so broke, we only got 45 lights that literally spell out, 'Cause of dese lights, I'm a typical, white trash Guido.'"
Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel's daughter, Alexa Ray Joel, is now making money off of her attempted suicide try by putting out a Christmas album called, "The First Joel." Her spin on her celebrity parents and suicidal Christmas carols include, "I Saw Mommy Divorcing Santa Claus, "REALLY Silent Night," and "Oh Little Town of Vicodin."
Two female language teachers, Cindy Mauro and Alini Brito, have been suspended from school duties after a janitor caught them enjoying a naked romp in an empty classroom. Ms. Brito then confessed that they had earlier invited a heavy set Arithmetic teacher, Ms. Rosie McDonald, to join them-but she failed her love test; which included: "Using your Arithmetic skills, demonstrate how you'd give us 30 orgasms?" Ms. McDonald was reprimanded when they caught her answering the question by using her fingers. However, Ms. McDonald did pass their oral exam.
Brad Davis, a farmer from Sterling CT, announced that a baby calf was born with the sign of the cross on his forehead. Mr. Davis then announced he slaughtered the calf by tying a cross to her back, throwing stones at her then selling the calf to a hamburger chain called "Burger King of the Jews." Before the calf died, it miraculously turned a dog in Florida named "Tiger" into a chicken-by making its Swedish owner hit him with a golf club as she screamed to the cowering chicken-dog with, "Did you do that? Did you do that-with that younger bitch?!"
