tzniut

In my studies of LGBTQ people, I've been looking for language.

We are a community in flux, one based more on trend than tradition. A major goal for many of us is to be the most avant-garde. We will buy the latest phone, wear the most fashionable clothes, even change addresses so we have just the right zip code. But our obsession with such things betrays a weakness. We are fashion victims, slaves to the opinions of those who cater to the wealthy.

Scholars in the Gay community often fall into a similar trap, announcing over and over again that we are (or should be) "post-gay." The problem with fashion-based obsession, be it phones, clothes, zip codes, or academic buzz-words, is lack of stability and sustainability. We leave the next generation nothing they can call their own without fear of being ridiculed as pass�. The end result is a community with no roots.

To address this problem, I've been going back to the classics. Besides reading up on Aristotle and Abhinavagupta, I've been looking at Rabbi Hirsch's take on derech eretz, the way of the world. Simon Bronner, a folklorist at Penn State and a true friend to our people, mentioned the importance of tzniut (modesty) in the context of derech eretz. Modesty can be distilled into a simple maxim: we should walk humbly before G-d. (Feel free to replace "G-d" with "Universe.")

The first reaction most of us will have with the word "modesty" in the Gay community is one of amusement. Just think Pride parades: topless women, dancing twinks in Speedos, men in buttless chaps, and outrageous drag personalities who cuss like sailors.

But we must realize that Pride-as-dignity is not the opposite of humility. Modesty (especially tzniut) is more than simply the avoidance of scandalous appearance.

Let us apply these concepts to an important Gay ritual. Within the context of a Pride parade, what counts as immodest behavior?

Topless Lesbians

If we look at rules concerning modesty in the Jewish tradition, they are primarily concerned with how, how much, and when we should reveal ourselves. Walking humbly before G-d is directly correlated with being humble before humanity. When we show ourselves, what are our motives? Self-revelation is a double-edged blade. On one hand, any revelation can be offensive if done in an inappropriate time and place, especially if it is done with the intent to insult, or with complete disregard for the feelings of others. On the other hand, revelation can leave us vulnerable, open to attack and humiliation, thus may be seen as humbling.

A topless woman on a hot summer day during Pride is not a declaration of lust or arrogance - rather, she is doing something that men do on a regular basis. As such, her actions are not immodest because she is confronting a double standard that has roots in the oppression of women's bodies. And in doing so, she is vulnerable.

Jewish law is abundantly clear when it comes to helping others in times of distress: the quicker one breaks the rules in favor of aiding those in danger, the better. Topless women in the carnivalesque space of Pride send a bold message of women's affirmation in the face of very real oppression and violence against their bodies. It would only be arrogant if they insisted that all women remove their tops, right then and there.

Twinks in Speedos

Part of what constitutes modesty is awareness of the consequences of one's actions as insulting. Young men cavorting about on a float and wearing skimpy swim gear represent more a species of silliness than obscenity. They seek to be fabulous, fun-loving and daring, not insulting.

Young men in Speedos are dressed in culturally appropriate ways, but in an unorthodox setting - the middle of the street rather than the pool or beach. Since Pride is often a summer celebration, and summer is bonded to pool and beach in the American psyche, twinks in swim gear are not terribly transgressive.

The sin of immodesty falls more squarely on the shoulders of those who think inappropriate thoughts about those young men. And "inappropriate" goes beyond simple lust - it is more a matter of disrespecting the dignity of others. The greatest crime we can commit against one another is when we see a fellow human being as the object of our own pleasure or disdain, with no regard as to whether that person deserves (or desires) to be so relegated. Too many older Gay men use younger, less experienced men as playthings, and the burden of arrogance is mostly theirs.

Buttless Chaps and TNT

Men in buttless chaps create a more complex issue. The question is this: how much should we reveal about ourselves in a public setting?

Clothing that is directly associated with sex, such as a leather harness on a shirtless torso, leather chaps with nothing under them, leather cod-pieces, etc., such gear takes one's sex life to the streets when worn in public. What is immodest about extremes in dress is not so much the body but rather the person, since often the amount of skin shown is less than that of the average scantily-clad twink. When taken too far from public propriety, open advertising of one's sexual desires is akin to public gluttony - we really do not need to see it if we did not ask to see it. As such, it is far from humble, and is too often an exercise in arrogance, much like purposely farting loudly in an elevator or using a cell phone while standing in line. It may not seem so bad to you, but think about other people than yourself.

On the other hand, those of us observing such displays do not know the motivations driving each man to engage in such remarkable self-revelation. It may in some cases be silliness, pushing the boundaries as to entertain others. It could be any number of other causes, selfish or otherwise: attempts to find kindred sexual partners, purposely create discomfort in others to give oneself sexual pleasure, a means of bonding with other men similarly dressed, psychologically therapeutic in ways that I could only guess, or in the case of TNT (Totally Naked Toronto, a small cadre of men who strut about in nothing but socks and boots), dedication to an ethic of human body-comfort.

There is also humility in not pointing out the faults of others. If somebody behaves in such an immodest fashion, calling them out for it then and there can actually be the more arrogant behavior. People concerned with ethics such as myself would do well to avoid presenting ourselves as overly righteous in public. We may end up revealing ourselves as ass-holes.

Drag Queens and Kings Cussing

We've all seen them on stage and parading about in the clubs. Most are gracious, all are sassy, and some can be real bitches. But there is an inherent humility that comes with face: the drag queen especially is a lightning rod for condemnation and catty remarks.

Drag personalities, both queens and kings, risk violence from homophobes when they take their craft out of the clubs and into the public sphere. They are the champions of our people precisely because they draw the worst venom from those who hate us.

I rarely have a problem with foul-mouthed kings, queens, empresses, dukes, princesses, or emperors. Usually they reserve inappropriate language for moments when people "get it," when the crowd buys into the humorous frame that they set up.

Do No Harm

Sometimes it is best to leave others with their sins, lest we lose our own humility as we presume to judge them without knowing all the facts. But there is also the sin of not speaking out when we see something that is wrong.

In a community setting such as Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco or the semi-privacy of the NYC Black Party, skimpy leather gear and nakedness does not carry the same negativity as a Pride parade because those who attend expect it. I will caution, however, that venues with areas for unregulated and unprotected group sex betray callousness and mutually-agreed upon disrespect that I cannot condone, regardless of people's willingness to participate. I fear that the vulnerable are encouraged to believe their lack of humility or concern for the health of their fellow human beings is somehow virtuous.

Immodesty has so much less to do with what is done than how it is done. I know some guys whose greatest fantasy is to be plowed by thirty men in a row, no questions asked.

The lack of modesty that most men show in realizing this fantasy is a refusal to walk humbly before the Universe, but not because getting plowed by so many is necessarily immodest. Desire or taiva is not wrong in itself, but derech eretz includes respect for one's own body as well as the bodies of others. Only if the willing recipient of a gang-bang can guarantee everyone will scrupulously engage in safer-sex behaviors or that he is not HIV+ beforehand, that participants will not seroconvert each other in the process of doing him, and that he is willing to undergo the rigors of preventive treatment immediately after, could the scenario be considered within the bounds of tzniut.

No doubt many rabbinical authorities would dismiss my application of Jewish theological concepts as woefully uninformed. They are correct. And there will be Leathermen who will find my opinion too judgmental. That's OK with me - I like most rabbis and Leatherguys just the way they are (no doubt there are some rabbis who don the harness now and again). I find Leatherfolk's use of BDSM to be potentially healthy and good for society, since it gives those with dark desires the means to act them out in ways that do not blow up buildings or result in serial killings. I do not presume to claim authority in Jewish theology, but I do see wisdom in knowledge gathered over the course of at least three thousand years.

The LGBTQ community can only be enriched in engaging traditions, our own as well as classical ones, even as we chase after the latest trends.