Thank You For Being A Friend, The Musical, A Wholly Unauthorized Parody Of The Golden Girls

John De Los Santos, in character as Sophie, makes some announcements at the beginning of Thank You for Being A Friend, The Musical, a wholly unauthorized Parody of The Golden Girls. He warns that the play is filled with pee, poop, dick and vagina jokes and anyone who might be offended should probably consider leaving. What he doesn't warn, however, is that TYFBAF is a disappointing, boring mess.

There's blame to spread around. The main problem is the book, by Nick Brennan. The paper-thin plot is merely an excuse to string together a series of vulgar and crude vajayjay and cock jokes. Not that there's anything wrong with some raunchy humor, if it's done cleverly and sharply. However a definite lack of creativity abounds. In a nutshell, the plot concerns Lance Bass (who has moved next door to Dorothea, Blanchet, Roz and Sophie) and his sex parties, which are too loud.

Original music and lyrics by Luke Jones and Jeff Thomson doesn't help. Deliberate derivatives of Broadway classic numbers (All That Jazz, Rose's Turn, etc.) don't enhance the show, merely prolongs the agony. Director BJ Cleveland directs with loose reins and broad strokes, when a degree of subtlety may have served his performers better.

The performances are a mixed bag of tricks. De Los Santos barks all his lines as Sophie. Chris Robinson, so brilliant in the Facts of Life parody several seasons ago, is wasted here as Roz. Michael B Moore fares much better as the libidinous Blanchet. Mr. Moore is a fine comedian and looks fagulous in drag. Drew Kelly and Philip Andrew provide nice eye-candy.

Bright spots. All the 'girls' look fabulous thanks to Coy Covington (wigs and makeup) and Suzi Cranford, who designed the 80's inspired costumes. And Lon Barrera triumphs with his dead on, deadpan delivery of Dorothea's lines and double takes.

TYFBAF may have worked better if it was distilled down to a fifteen minute sketch as part of a Forbidden Television Show ala last season's pee-your-pants Forbidden Broadway. However I was checking my watch long before intermission. Clocking in at nearly two hours, including intermission, I wasn't very thankful for these friends.

Thank You For Being A Friend, The Musical, A Wholly Unauthorized Parody Of The Golden Girls runs through March 6, 2011 at The Rose Room Theatre inside the S4 nightclub, 3911 Cedar Springs Rd., Dallas, TX 75219 For more information visit www.uptownplayers.org