The Dateless Movie

As intelligent, funny, experienced and attractive as I may be, even I lack companionship on Friday night (possibly something to do with my ego). Far too often in fact, I journey to the movie theater and actually watch the movie. But I?m not the only one. No longer are movies exclusively for those with a date; they're locations for people to find dates. Various theaters host singles nights for emphasis.

Finding someone at a movie takes more effort and skill than a bar or club, but a causal atmosphere melding the caf? with, well, the movie theater. While few people are explicitly looking for someone to go home with, movies mates begin with a greater foundation. You already know you like the same movies.

So let?s start planning. First, find a gal-friend. While straight men may make mistakes, gay men can smell a fag hag from a mile away since they and their boy are wearing the same perfume. Your gal should be equally if not more fabulous than you. If they know what they?re doing, you won?t be upstaged. Your gal is there to introduce the friendly conversation and, for the extra-special fag-hags, turn the conversation away from ?friendly.? If high school taught us nothing else, we learned that being associated with cool people makes you cool.

Now pick your movie. This takes strategy. Do you like the mainstream, basic boys? Pick the blockbuster of the week. Do you like the flamers who talk more about Jessica Alba?s hair than Chris Evans abs in Fantastic Four? Look for the girly flick of the week (make sure there is a hot guy in that girly flick). Do you want intellectual? Check out the art house theaters. Certainly there will be crossover, but a little bit of stereotyping can help you prepare. Do note that the blockbusters will have larger theaters (meaning more people), but being so spread out can make positioning yourself hard. On the other hand, if you want to switch your seat near the Chris Evans look-a-like, the crowded theater will cover your maneuver. For your safest bet, just find a gay-friendly movie. Even I can be surprised. My screening of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow had nothing but gay men (of course, then I had a date).

Dressing requires special strategy. You want to look sexy with an emphasis on fun. Try a dirty minded t-shirt, hot jeans and an extra fun belt. My personal favorite (to avoid ambiguity) is ?Boys will do boys? by David and Goliath. Likewise, I have ?Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship? by Areopostale and ?Mind if I Touch Your Butt?? by Orion. Find one that not only speaks to you, but will help speak for you. Better your shirt have the discomfort of an ice breaker than you.

At the theater, the games begin. Get there early so you get your pick of center seats (if you don?t find somebody, at least you get to be comfortable for the movie). The chances of being approached are low, until everyone in Boston reads this (again, the ego).