The Eight Faces of Infatuation

I am a huge fan of gay comic strips. Not the pornographic ones, though there is nothing wrong with that variety. But the ones you find in gay newspapers, magazines, and on mainstream gay websites. I wasn't an avid comic book reader as a child; in fact I was quite serious in my younger days. When I came out part of my transitioning period included learning how to enjoy some of the guilty pleasures I never really indulged in before.

The very first gay comic strip I ever read was "The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green" by Eric Orner. I know it seems clich?, but I really related with Ethan's daily trials and tribulations. Here he was in the seemingly fabulous gay existence and pretty much your average guy himself. Even though it is just a comic and not some religious text, it spoke to me because at the time I was still in the straight mindset and trying to feel my way through this gay new world. I couldn't understand why every guy I met wanted to have sex and not date. I couldn't fathom that white socks didn't go with everything or even why a baseball cap wasn't the answer to a missed haircut.

Though I had certain gay traits my entire life, living exclusively among the heterosexual population has a way of programming you into habits that help you fit in. Ethan Green was my hero. He was me and I was he, so to speak. My best friend. who was gay, was a hottie, just like his. I had the somewhat sassy-mouthed friend in his 40s talking about 'girlfriend' this and 'sistah' that, spending day and night trying to educate me on everything from foam parties to fashion. I even had the older drag queens, not unlike the Hat Sisters, who seemed to be a bit more balanced and good for quality advice.

Many of the comics were printed and hung up on my fridge. Some even made it to my office at work. I recall one where Ethan had to work over a big Labor Day holiday weekend and missed a huge party. Each of his friends told him what they thought he missed out on. His twenty-something friends said he missed the endless dancing, drugs, and anonymous sex. His thirty-something friends told him of the hot guys who would make great boyfriends. His forty-something friends told gossipy tall tales of who was with whom, who was cheating on who, and whose nose jobs were a disgrace. And his fifty-something friends skipped the party for a weekend of antiquing that he should have been present for. But it was his best friend who simply told him, "you didn't miss much Eeth, it was kinda boring." It reminded me of my best friend, the only one who really loved me enough to lie.

Another classic that has a lesson for all of us, new to the scene or perfectly seasoned, was a comic entitled "The Eight Faces of Infatuation". It is appropriate for this time of year because everyone is on the prowl with all the hotties in swim suits and it is important to separate the infatuation from a real summer love...

Eric Orner skillfully describes, pictorially of course, each of the stages of infatuation.

1. Wanting - there he is, in all his glory. The man of your dreams just walked into Starbucks looking like the angel sent from heaven that he is. Tall, dark, handsome and he knows how to order a Double Tall Iced Organic Non Fat Mocha like a pro! He shoots you a smile that makes your heart melt like chocolate on Smores over a campfire. You want him and if someone has to die for you to get him - well, sometimes sacrifices must be made.

2. Needing - It isn't that you really want him; you need him. With a smile (and abs) like that, how could your family not love him and accept him (and your relationship) when they meet him at the annual Labor Day Barbeque? Not to mention that his picture could finally replace that old magazine clipping you had skillfully filled the 'Perfect Boyfriend' frame with so many years ago. He had you at "are you using the cinnamon" - the first words he ever spoke directly to you while making eye contact. Let's face it, he completes you!

3. Lusting - Not only is he the perfect man on paper, in the coffee shop, and at your family's house, but he is clearly the object of your night time fantasies. Just the thought of his gorgeous shoulders, perfect pecs, chiseled jaw line, and spectacular butt stirs the manliness inside you and more than once! If only he knew how you longed for him and lusted for him he would welcome the explosive, sensational, and mind-blowing sex you dreamed you two could have every night!

4. Longing - Though lusting is time-consuming and not unpleasant, it does get a little lonely spending every night at the coffee shop waiting for him to come in. Especially when he can only see you every other time. After all if he knew that you thought of him, daydreamed of him, planned your future with him every second of the day he wouldn't confuse your love with stalking... but better safe than sorry.

5. Hungering - Well somewhere after lusting and longing your need for this man finally becomes a thirst that must be quenched and a feeling deep in the pit of your gut that, if not fulfilled, will eventually eat away at you. So you meet him and just like in your fantasy it is explosive, mind-blowing, and hungry animalistic sex. The throes of passion are literally throws, tosses, turns, twists, acrobatics, even some yoga-like tantric positions that even you never thought you could do. It is, simply, the best ever.

6. Pining - You only thought you were thinking about him too much before. Now it is twice every second of the day. "I love him, I think..." "I miss him so much." "That is crazy you barely know this guy." "But he is so fine and so good in bed." "Not to mention how great he looks in a pair of boy shorts." "Or out of that pair of grown up underoos!" Like Sybil, your split personality converses back and forth, contemplating your future, your next encounter, and what the heck his last name was. But no matter what, you must have him again and again and again.

7. Clinging - You had a good run. Sex with this guy was beyond belief all twelve times you did it in four days. But he isn't really "into dating" and maybe you can "hook up again sometime." All of a sudden tears well up in your eyes and you throw yourself in front of the door. Doesn't he know how much you care? Could he even be serious? Over? Before it had even begun? Same old story you have heard a hundred times: Boy meets boy. Boy has mind boggling crazy-awesome sex with boy. Boy gets dumped. Boy begs to be given a chance but boy leaves again. Boy stalks boy. Boy gets slapped with a restraining order. The vicious cycle goes on and on.

8. Denying - The saddest part of all, denial. Not just a long river my friends. He must love you; he can't really want you to stay at least 200 feet away from him at all times. Can he really think that is "his Starbucks?" Yes my friend, it is over and you aren't letting go. Get your latte someplace else from now on and for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary, be more careful next time!

So this summer, no matter if you are dealing with the eight faces of infatuation, the six stages of love, the five phases of a break up, the four crazy in-laws, the three wicked step children, the two insane exes (who are now a couple), or one loveable partner, remember that life is too short not to enjoy whatever is on your plate. And the jail time is far too long to obsess over it! May love, lust, or even a little fun be good to you this summer season!