Jake Conrad :: Volleyball's life lessons

Jake Conrad is ready for his next volleyball journey as he joins the Carthage College men's volleyball team this fall at age 21, thus becoming the oldest player on the team. He's been down the collegiate route before, mind you, having spent three years at Lewis University.

So, he definitely has the experience ( s ) , both good and bad.

"Volleyball is a release. It's a way for me to forget about everything else in life and just play and have a good time. Volleyball is something I'd prefer to do over anything else. Playing volleyball, I forget the stresses of life," said Conrad, who will celebrate his 22nd birthday on Sept. 22.

"For me, Carthage is a fresh start; it gives me the opportunity to do everything the right way because I made a lot of mistakes at Lewis. Carthage is a clean slate. I know, I really messed up at Lewis. Really bad. I made mistakes as a freshman that cost me a lot; I didn't know the importance of going to class." He only attended for tests, thus affecting his attendance record and his grades as a whole.

And by his second semester as a Lewis freshman, in January 2007, Conrad was academically ineligible to play the sport he loved.

He was a volleyball star, but failed in time management. He didn't have his mom to guide him any more, and he stumbled.
"I feel like every mistake that I've made in the past, I've learned from," Conrad said. "My past is my past for a reason. But I've learned and I've grown up. I know I messed up and I know I won't again. I'm working as hard as I can to prove to myself and to my family that I can do it, that I can be a good student in college."

Conrad graduated from Libertyville High School in 2006, where he was a four-year varsity player and three-year team captain. He was named All-State honorable mention as a junior and the Daily Herald Player of the Year as a senior.
Conrad went to perennial power Lewis in the fall of 2006, but didn't play his first match for the school until the spring of 2008 due to academic problems.

"When I went to Lewis, my focus was not my academics; my focus was making it as a volleyball player. My freshman season, I was so consumed by the fact that I wanted to start and I wanted to be the star player for Lewis," he said.

His academic woes were met with woes related to sexuality. Conrad is gay.

"A lot of my college problems had to do with the fact that I hadn't come out to my family, so I came out to them by writing them a letter," during my freshman year in college, he said. "I told them that, just because I'm a homosexual, does not mean that I want to lead a completely different life. I still want to be very domestic; I want to have a family; I want to raise children most of all and I want to provide for a family. Those are my goals, and they don't change because I am gay.

"I also want a monogamous and committed relationship. To me, if [ gay ] marriage is not an option, I will still find a way to create that special bond with my partner."
Conrad had come out to his mom as a high school sophomore, but neither told anyone else. And most on the Libertyville team did not know, even though he started dating a male high school tennis player as a sophomore and the relationship lasted through their freshmen year in college. "I didn't think it was something that I needed to [ tell my high school teammates ] ," he said.

But things changed immediately at Lewis, almost on the first day of classes as a freshman.

"My first talk with my college coach, he asked if I was gay," Conrad said. "That was kind of a whirlwind; it shook me up a lot. I didn't know what to say, so I said I was not, though I knew I was; I just didn't think it was any of his business, but he asked anyway.

"As I think about it now, that's where my relationship started off wrong with my coach."

Days later, he came out to his teammates, and that sent him into depression.

"It wasn't that my teammates had a problem with me being gay, but that's when I really realized that, yes, I am gay, and it was hard to accept," he said. "I felt really bad about not telling my coach the truth, so I immediately resorted to telling my teammates, and I thought they would tell my coach. I didn't want [ my sexuality ] to be hidden; I didn't want to be someone I was not."

Coming out:

So in the locker room one day, while his teammates were talking about the Lewis female volleyball players, he revealed he was gay.

"No one believed me at first because they thought that the way I said it was so blunt, that it couldn't be true," Conrad said. "I wanted to tell them when I did because I was at the point where I didn't want to have to hide anymore or pretend to be someone who I wasn't; I wanted to be out."

Still, his teammates thought he was bisexual.

"I think I was blessed by my Lewis teammates; they treated me amazingly well; they took me in like a brother, regardless of my sexuality. They were awesome, completely accepting," he said. "Coming out is a fear for everyone, especially college athletes. If and when you tell your teammates, you really don't know how they will react."

So when will he tell his new Carthage teammates since only one teammate and his new head coach now know?

"When it comes up; that's when I will confront it," he said.
At least he has his past to rely on for that adventure. Not to mention a rock solid volleyball resume, which will help. Conrad was, for instance, a member of the U.S. Junior National Volleyball Team in 2004 and 2005. He also has played on the EVP, a training ground for his ultimate pro beach goal: playing on the AVP ( Association of Volleyball Professionals ) tour. And, he's worked as a youth minister. Plus, he worked as an art therapist at a facility for traumatized children.

"Volleyball has taught me numerous life lessons," Conrad said.

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