Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Mothers Tell All
With these eighteen essays from assorted "non-bio" moms - "other mothers," if you will - editor Harlyn Aizley uncovers an astonishing array of opinions and life experiences that the female life partners of child-bearing women share with the readers of Confessions of the Other Mother. More telling, however, are the commonalities that all the non-bio moms relate: the envy of seeing their sons and daughters nursing at the birth-mother’s breast; the anger and anxiety that results from dealing with disinterested or even hostile medical personnel; the pressures faced by mono-gender parents in an age of faith-based government attacks on same-sex families; the pain of hearing people say things like, "So you’re not the real mother?"
The styles and approaches taken are as diverse and numerous as the authors themselves. C. J. Warde’s "Trouble with Pink" is a lighthearted exercise, as is "Naked Brunch," by Fern Bliss; "TWJL," by Judy Gold, is downright comedic ("Sharon had a C-section; I had vaginal delivery because I’m the guy"); "Mr. Anonymous," by Nancy Abrams, explores the fraught territory of what happens when two mommies go through a divorce; Robin Reagler finds that motherhood changes her life in more ways than she could have imagined in "From the Outposts of Lesbian Parenting"; even Hillary Goodridge, one of the lead plaintiffs in the Goodridge decision, contributes a piece called "And You Are?" about a near disaster (bureaucratic and otherwise) when her partner gave birth. For some, parenthood is as much political act as it is an expression of new life; for others, motherhood initially seems like a deeply alien concept, an attitude that changes with time (and with baby’s arrival); for still others, nothing is more natural or inevitable than motherhood, even if - as in the case of Suzanne M. Johnson in "Life as Mama" - the parent in question had grown up assuming that somehow she would be the father of a brood. (Ms. Johnson later realizes that the father role-models she saw on TV as a child are not, in fact, what she really wants to be like: she rightly points out how remote from their kids TV dads in the 1970s were.)
If there is any way in which these essays are too similar, it’s the way in which the people involved often seem to come from the same socio-economic background. The women described in these pages are well educated, well traveled, and seem, for the most part, to be white. Are there no Latina lesbian couples out there bringing up baby? No teenage single mothers who have come to welcome a second mommy into the fold? Are there no lesbian couple with kids living below the poverty line? We read about financial difficulties here and there, but usually in context of a couple living abroad, or two academics who resort to university positions to make ends meet. Working motherhood is tough for anybody, but one suspects that the mother slaving away at a fast food outlet while mommy and baby go through their day in the one-room cold-water flat might find the challenges of non-bio motherhood even more acute, and possible even more rewarding. We don’t know for sure, though, since those voices aren’t included.
The end result is that Confessions of the Other Mother seems like a thin sampling of the various families out there, but for what it is, it’s a timely and illuminating book - the start of something larger, one hopes, and a good start at that.
Publisher: Beacon Press. Publication Date: May 14, 2006. Pages: 173. Price: $16. Format: Trade Paperback Original. ISBN 0-8070-7963-4
