Big Brother 10 Eviction Prediction :: Week 1
Episode 2 of Season 10 was just one of the great episodes in Big Borther history. It’s right up there with my eviction on Season 3, Alison working Nathan to save herself from eviction in Season 4, Janelle winning HoH and uttering "Bye bye bitches" during Season 6 and Howie getting evicted and knocking Mike’s hat off as Mike cowered like a bitch during All-Stars. It was excellent. It had it all. Lies, backstabbing, romance, weasels, and Jesse ripping open his tank. Damn. Gay men all over the earth have been working their TiVo rewind buttons into a frenzy.
I could go on about Jessie forever but it’s 2 am and I have to work in the morning, bitches. So here’s the short scoop:
The power of veto competition was played by HoH Jerry, Michelle, the Portuguese female boxer, Chattanooga, the LA bartender, Jessie (I <3 you) and Renny. They came out in pajamas and had to find five teddy bears in colors that corresponded to the color of their jammies - and those bears were hidden on a giant bed inside hundreds of pillows. This challenge sounds lame but wasn’t. The HGs had to dive into a pool of super thick honey (Jesse in honey!), navigating under wooden planks on their bellies and then rip open the pillows to find the teddy bears. Then back under the wooden planks, into the honey (Jessie in honey!), now covered in feathers from the pillows and put their teddys in a jar. First one to 5 wins. I have the feeling that the Big Brother Veto Challenge Production Meeting was staffed this week by queens who were just dying to see Jesse get sticky.
Renny was useless. Michelle actually performed shockingly well and Memphis showed himself to be in good physical shape and a huge competitor. That fact didn’t escape the shifty eyes of Brian who immediately began plotting Memphis’ eviction thanks to the fact that Jessie won the veto. But none of us were paying attention to BB politics anymore, since in the first great moment of episode 2 Jesse celebrated his victory by ripping open his tank exposing one of the best sets of tits and abs I’ve ever seen.
America swooned. I went to the fridge for ice. There was an international run on honey.
The Fall of the House of Brian
Morristown (yes, I’m calling him various cities in Tennessee), having turned down the opportunity to be in Brian’s (weasel alert) alliance and then displayed his strength in the honey-row, became Mr. I-control-this-game Brian’s target for eviction. Brian wasted no time working HoH Jerry over - along with the rest of the house. Bad move, Bri. Didn’t you know that people talk?
Enter the second great moment in episode 2: My girl Libra exposed the Brian, Dan, Ollie alliance (which I like to call Kukla, Numbnuts and Mo), and set the rest of the house straight. April cried because a guy she cared about after a week in the house is maybe playing her (and probably also because crying is how she usually gets what she wants) - and in a fit of pseudo-rage, confronted Ollie -and big strong Ollie, in the first true strongman moment of the season, breaks down like a bitch and spills the whole plan. This preacher’s son, this bastion of truth and morality, this man of the good word, blabbed all of Brian’s business like a street walking ho confessing her sins to his daddy in church on Sunday morning. He turned coats quicker than anyone in Big Brother history. Why, you ask?
It might have had something to do with her tits.
In a fabulous coup second only to Janelle’s winning HoH and telling Jennifer and Maggie "Bye Bye Bitches" after nominating them, the girls went on a rampage against the first alliance of Season Ten. I mean, they told everyone. Even the Asian chick showed up (who is she, anyway?) Brian’s stories were compared and contrasted, Lebanon (yes, there is a city in Tennessee named Lebanon) found out he is the target for eviction and everyone got enraged. And in the Big Brother house, rage is good - at least, for us.
Meanwhile, smug-ass Brian sat in the backyard gazing lovingly into the eyes of his minion Dan. I could almost smell the poppers.
The majority of the house, in a first for Big Brother, then muscled HoH Jerry to hell, essentially threatening him with eviction if he doesn’t recapitulate on his word to fellow Marine Brian and put the two-faced bastard on the block.
Rock on, gang.
What’s a soldier to do? Why, cave in, of course! HoH Jerry (who looked like he was about to bawl) nominated Brian to replace hottie Jesse, landing the first clear candidate for eviction with his neck on the line.
My Eviction Prediction: Brian gets kicked out in a blaze of non-glory. And not a moment too soon!
And I actually can’t wait to see who wins HoH. If Dan doesn’t step up to the plate and win this HoH he’s toast! And if Renny can just shut up and be normal for a week.
That’s it readers. And remember I’ll be watching...