Hardcore (Animal) Sex

(Continued from Page 2)
by Mickey Weems

When humans are animals

For a very long time, humans have identified some types of people as animals.

We call young people pups, young women chicks and birds (if we’re British). Motherly women are mother hens, old men are goats, and Congress is full of sheep.

Cool men and women are cats, overweight people are cows and whales, dedicated clubbers are barflies and lounge lizards, warmongers are hawks, peaceniks are doves, lawyers are wolves, piranhas, snakes, weasels and vultures. Tattlers are rats and stoolpigeons. Democrats are donkeys, Republicans are elephants.

Hard workers are ants. Lazy people are grasshoppers. Marines are devil-dogs and Navy personnel are squids, unless they cross the equator and become Shellbacks. Imitators are copycats; they have also been enshrined in folk-speech with reference to another animal: "monkey see, monkey do."

Many of us are born as Western zodiac animals: scorpions, fish, goat/fish, Half-horses, bulls, crabs, rams and lions. Our birth-identities in the Chinese zodiac are nothing but animals: rats, pigs, dogs, snakes, cocks/hens, rabbits, oxen, horses, sheep, tigers, monkeys and fabulous dragons.

We especially love to become animals with regards to sports teams, in which players and fans become Wolverines, Ducks, Beavers, Bulls, Junkyard Dogs, Huskies, Eagles, Panthers and Rams. Nevertheless, we identify some of our teams with particular human groups: Indians, Fighting Irish, Seminoles, Pirates and Vikings. But only one team is named after Gays: the Packers.

Human sex is rampant with animal names: cock/trouser snake/python for penis, starfish for sphincter, pussy/clam/beaver/snapper for vagina, fish for those with vaginas, bitch for vagina-bearers who don’t play nice, boor for rude penis-wielders, and sexist pig for boors who want to insult women by calling them fish and/or bitches. Sexual humans are given names reflecting their proclivities: cougar for older women who like younger men, chihuahua for younger women who like older men. sex kitten for sexy women, stud or buck for sexy men, dog for sexually irresponsible men, horse or stallion for well-endowed men with a hefty baby-arm. A man with bull balls is a real man, and most men spank their monkeys. Extremely sexually active people fuck like rabbits. Sexually exciting people are tigers in bed. Having sex with the receptive partner on all fours and the active partner coming in through the back door is doggy style.

Legitimately Gay animals

Animals may not be Gay, but Gays can be animals. Lesbians and masculine bottoms are bulls. Butch Lesbians and Gay men are studs. Bitch is often a term of endearment between friends (bitch-as-honey is now catching on in the Straight world). Men can be bears, cubs and otters. Boys are chicken and men who like boys are chicken hawks. Traditional Chinese folk-speech calls homosexuals rabbits, and effeminate men might be labeled rooster-hens. There is even a temple to the Rabbit God in Taiwan dedicated especially to Gay people. I don’t know of a rooster-hen temple, however.

Gay sex organs can also take on animal names, sometimes with a Gay twist. Many Gay men use cock rings, which is not an arena for a cockfight (although cock rings could be used in preparation for a swordfight). A fighting cock, by the way, was used in ancient Greece as a gift from one man to another to initiate a love affair.

A pussy can be both a women’s vagina and the anus of a male bottom.

Footnote: there is nothing wrong with a nelly boy calling his butt-hole a pussy. For butch bottoms, however, this word can be a huge buzz-kill if used during sexy-time.

I was once with a very masculine soldier-boy who, when we were getting romantical, gushed, "FUCK MY PUSSY!" I almost fell out of bed laughing. His choice of words was not at all sexy to me.

Word to the wise, dog: don’t call your man-gina a pussy if you want studly love. For that matter, don’t call your starfish a man-gina.

Sexual diversity in nature: our key to Gay liberation

Human obsession with identifying as animals is often a sign of our discomfort in this world. We just don’t seem to fit in with the rest of Creation, so we identify as animals as a way of naturalizing ourselves.

But we also take pride in not belonging, in being unique in the animal world, even to the point where we claim we are not animals.

Hence we as Gay folks should be aware that homophobes will not stop when their Homosexuality-against-nature arguments fall apart before their eyes. They will simply shift their rhetoric from "Gay=unnatural" to "Gay=subhuman and beastly, not heavenly" once they get it through their thick skulls that nature in much more queer than they could ever imagine.

But in the long run, biological science is on our side. I believe our scientists have only scratched the surface on how diverse the natural world is. Our meager categories of Gay and Straight will not hold up much longer as absolute binaries. As we learn just how rich sexuality is expressed in the natural world, we have the opportunity to quit oversimplifying our own variations.

Knowledge is power, but wisdom is the key to liberation. Let’s argue wisely about homosexuality in nature, and not fall into that tired "Gay vs. Straight" game, a contest that ultimately serves those who want to make us disappear.

Dr. Mickey Weems is a folklorist, anthropologist and scholar of religion/sexuality studies. He has just published The Fierce Tribe, a book combining intellectual insight about Circuit parties with pictures of Circuit hotties. Mickey and his husband Kevin Mason are coordinators for Qualia, a not-for-profit conference and festival dedicated to Gay folklife. Dr. Weems may be reached at


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