News :: GLBT
 |
My Ex-Gay Life :: Choosing Heterosexuality
by David Foucher
EDGE Publisher
Wednesday Jul 11, 2007
| [Editor’s Note: this article is the first in a four-part exclusive EDGE series on "ex-gays."]
"It became clear to me, as I really thought about it, - and really prayed about it - that homosexuality prevents us from finding our true self within. We cannot see the truth because we’re blinded by homosexuality." - Michael
Such were the words of Michael Glatze, posted to a conservative Christian website on July 3rd 2007, less than one week after three leaders of an ex-gay ministry called Exodus publicly apologized at Soulforce’s recent Ex-Gay Survivor’s Conference for their roles in creating patterns of "guilt, anxiety and self-loathing" in the individuals who, struggling with their homosexuality, sought their help, indirectly or directly, to be "cured" of it.
There are currently over 150 Exodus ministries in 70 countries worldwide, actively counseling those who seek to no longer be gay or lesbian. Gay advocates deride these ministries, as well as other types of "conversion" programs, as harmful.
The remarkably-timed crossfire is the latest salvo in an ongoing battle over the questionable mutability of the LGBT community’s sexual core, amplified by the fact that Michael Glatze was, a few years ago, a gay activist. He ran, alongside his boyfriend at the time, a magazine called Young Gay America.
"It was meant to fill the void that [XY Magazine] had created - namely, anything not-so-pornographic," he explains in his article.
Reports differ on the success of the venture; the magazine printed only a handful of issues since 2004, which, according to some bloggers, might have constituted sufficient shame to at least partially explain his sudden dislike of the gay community. Glatze’s departure from the publication was capped by an articulation of his self-perceived personal failure: the perfunctory message "Homosexuality is death, and I choose life" left on his computer as he vacated the premises. In talking to EDGE, Glatze denied that his sexual shift was related to any lack of success at YGA; he credits it to a revelation brought on by far less commercial circumstances.
"I was diagnosed with Celiac disease," he confides, referring to a digestive condition that interferes with a person’s tolerance of gluten. "I was anemic, and my heart was palpitating, and my Dad had died of a heart condition that was genetic, and I thought I had inherited that. It’s the quintessential you-think-you’re-gonna-die story. When I figured out I just had Celiac disease, I sort of laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling and said, thank God. And that was the first time I really understood and had a strong sense of what ’God’ was."
Michael does not present as an ill-informed, imbalanced individual making a snap decision; after his bout with intense fear, he set about taking action the way an intellectual might: he followed his instincts and began reading.
"I’d read queer and feminist theories, I’d studied Judith Butler," he says. "But at that point, I began reading the Bible. And as I did that, I realized that the words that Jesus was saying - they weren’t religious, they weren’t strange, they were very kind of almost self-help. They were pretty cool."
Those teachings are, of course, also interpreted by a variety of Christian denominations to be decidedly anti-gay; for many inductees into conversion programs, this interpretation and the resulting range of implied or direct admonishments from unworthiness to eternal damnation have proved to instigate a desire for change.
Glatze, however, deviates from this more prevalent path; if the genesis of his soul-searching can be found in the text of the Bible, his cognitive justification for follow-through is decidedly secular.
"I kept an open mind, and I started to learn about a lot of stuff on the right-hand side of the scale," Michael asserts. "And a lot of the things people were saying made sense.
"We are naturally heterosexual; it’s about life. We can talk about it in religious terms, or talk about it in terms that everyone agrees on. It’s about life. If you’re not having sex with a woman and having a child, then you’re not giving life. I have the capacity for creating life, and I’m very excited to do it. Five years ago, I would have told someone maybe I would have a kid because I can have an adoption, but the reality of the situation is that those were all excuses I was making because I felt guilty about being gay. Homosexuality prevents life. So homosexuality is equal to death."
That blunt sentiment caused EDGE’s staff to report on Michael’s announcement, and his earnest reply to our story via email caused us to chat directly with him - and to look further into the reasons why a small percentage of gays and lesbians decide to pursue an ex-gay life.
"It was easier for me to give up being gay than it was to give up my faith." - Darlene
Unlike Michael, whose rationale is formulated upon a rigid construct of a "natural" state of heterosexuality - he believes that homosexuality is a deviance - it was a simpler, untenable Christian point of view that drove Darlene to try to exorcise her unwanted same-sex attractions.
"In college I became involved with a woman," she relates. "And every time I went to church, I would hear you can’t be Christian and gay; so then I would feel bad about my sexuality, because I knew that my faith was of primary importance to me. If I was out in the gay lifestyle, you know, then I was not able to openly live my faith, and if I was openly living my faith, I could not claim these same sex attractions. It was very frustrating."
The year was 1977.
"I guess I just decided it was not working," she says.
Darlene wrote articles about her struggle with faith and her sexuality; ultimately she discovered Exodus, at the time a one-year-old ministry preaching the theory that it was possible to "free" oneself from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ. A quick convert and already an assistant pastor of a local church, she agreed to begin an Exodus ministry in San Francisco’s East Bay.
"I was more than happy to get up and say, yep, I was gay and now I’m straight," she summarizes, "and that my same-sex attractions were dead."
Ultimately, Darlene became one of the most recognizable female proponents for Exodus, making appearances on the Jerry Springer show, Sally Jesse Rafael, 48 Hours, and other television shows, along with authoring two books and speaking publicly on Exodus’ behalf.
To Jeremy Marks, who founded ex-gay ministry Courage UK before himself becoming the President of Exodus International Europe, Darlene’s story is a familiar one.
"People came to the ex-gay ministry because, like me, they were brought up in a homophobic environment," he says bluntly. "They believed they had to find an alternative to being gay - either to be able to be content with a celibate life, or even better, to change, become ’normal’ and marry (heterosexually). Like me, they felt there was no alternative if you were to be a true Christian."
Next: Beyond the Biblical
|
|
|
Email
Print
Share