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Magnet Metaphor Proves It: Gay Attraction ’Unnatural’

by Kilian Melloy
Sunday Sep 15, 2013
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Member’s of the faculty at Nigeria’s University of Lagos has reportedly embraced a post-graduate student’s scientific proof that same sex attraction between men or between women is "unnatural."

The UK-based site Pink News reported on the story in a Sept. 15 post.

Claiming he has "used physics to prove gay marriage wrong," a post-graduate student at the university, Chibuihem Amalaha, posited that the behavior of magnets provides direct and concrete evidence as to how human beings ought to conduct their romantic lives.

Magnets have two poles, one carrying a positive charge and the other a negative. If two poles of the same charge are brought near one another, magnets will repel, rather than attract. Only when a negative and positive pole are brought into proximity will magnets snap together due to magnetic attraction.

Amalaha touted the binary nature of magnets as evidence from nature that human beings are meant to live according to binary sexuality.

Indeed, Amalaha declared, his observation "means that man cannot attract another man because they are the same, and a woman should not attract a woman because they are the same."

A Nigerian newspaper, ThisDay Live, hailed the argument as a scientific "breakthrough," Pink News noted.

The paper interviewed Amalaha, who expressed his conviction that if he’s not a hot name in science now, he will be once the awards committees of the science world get wind of his research and the advances he’s made into complex questions of neuroscience, genetics, and biology using a simple observation from the realm of physics.

"Recently my lecturer at the Department of Chemical Engineering, Professor D S Aribuike, pointedly told me that I will win Nobel prize one day, because he found that my works are real and nobody has done it in any part of the world," Amalaha told ThisDay Live.

Amalaha’s comprehensive brilliance also found incontrovertible evidence from other areas of science that demonstrate once and for all that men and women are the only genuinely possible sexual combination. From his work in chemistry, the ingenious polymath noted that reactions only occur when an acid is combined with a base -- not when an acid is mixed with an acid, or a base with a base. Further, the realm of biology offers indisputable proof that men cannot be sexually attracted to other men, nor women to other women: Who, Amalaha argued, has ever seen a rooster attempting to have intercourse with another rooster instead of a hen? Or observed a lion in sexual congress with another of his own gender?

Though the newspaper did not take note of claims that biologists have, in fact, observed evidence of same-sex attraction and sexual activity in thousands of species ranging from fruit flies to primates, such an acknowledgement would not have been necessary since clearly those observations are the work of gays, if not demons and evil spirits, and have no connection to the cold, hard facts offered by science.

It is his tenacious and uncompromising adherence to strictly scientific methods and results that guarantee Amalaha will, in the not so distant future, ascend to global fame and influence.

Already, his genius has already garnered him recognition and career advancement, Amalaha told the paper. "I emerged the best science reporter in Nigeria where I won Nigeria Media Merit Award in the energy category as a science editor with Compass newspapers," he modestly averred.

Amalaha’s groundbreaking research is based on a powerful intellectual tool known as the syllogism. Whereas most scientific research depends upon experimentation that has a direct bearing on a question, observation of experimental outcomes, and theoretical modeling (much of which involves confusing and very difficult things like math), the syllogism has the unique ability to carve a channel through ignorance and superstition to a core of universal truth. For the sake of comparison, consider the famous theological syllogism that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ray Charles is God.

The argument runs as such: God is love. Love is blind. Ray Charles is blind, Therefore, Ray Charles is God.

This amazing proof that God not only exists but also has walked among us has never been accorded the respect it deserves, thanks no doubt to liberal bias and the sinister gay agenda. Amalaha’s crucial discoveries are in themselves proof of the underlying continuity of truth between science and religion; the scientist acknowledged The Divine at work through him.

"God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong," he told ThisDay Live.

But in this fallen world, God’s truth often makes little headway. Predictably, gays and liberals are already hard at work to denounce and marginalize Amalaha’s transformative demonstration.

"It’s debatable as to whether the embarrassing article is more [damning] of the standard of education at the University of Lagos or of the standard of journalism at This Day," scoffed Luiz DeBarros, commenting on This Day’s coverage.

Amalaha won’t be deterred by such politically-motivated attempts to suppress his critical scientific data. He announced to This Day this his next step will be publish his findings.

Kilian Melloy serves as EDGE Media Network's Assistant Arts Editor, writing about film, theater, food and drink, and travel, as well as contributing a column. His professional memberships include the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, the Boston Online Film Critics Association, and the Boston Theater Critics Association's Elliot Norton Awards Committee.

Comments

  • Anonymous, 2013-09-15 14:03:49

    I shall now use Mathematics to prove that opposite gender sexuality is mathematically incorrect. It follows mathematically that if males and females were supposed to be together - that the sexes would have been made adjacent and not opposite. I think that makes as much sense as his paper. Now where is my PhD?


  • Anonymous, 2013-09-17 06:46:12

    I should be given a Nobel prie by proving that this guy is the most stupid scientist ever to walk on earth and should be in the Guinness book of world record as such


  • Jonathan Willner, 2013-09-19 23:37:08

    One of my students used the analogy of batteries with positive and negative ends and the logic that if you put the positive ends or negative ends together nothing happens. All I could say was: People aren’t batteries.


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